Bezos ‘The Illest Mother F*cker Alive’


Location. Van Horn, Texas.


Local area police reports indicate excessively loud music playing of the hip-hop genre variation. This area of the country being predominate of the Christian denomination, you, as well as I, can understand the neighbors’ concern when a more detailed police report indicated that the now 100 Billion dollar man Jeff Bezos had Kanye West’s ‘Illiest Mother F*kin Alive’ on constant repeat across his sprawling 30,000-acre compound.

We’re still confirming our sources on the tip provided above, but according to the more credible source of Mr. Tom Metcalf, of Bloomberg, he reported on Friday the details of Mr. Benzos’s accomplishment.

“The $100 Billion milestone makes Bezos, 53, the first billionaire to build a 12-figure new worth since 1999 when Microsoft Corp. co-founder Bill Gates hit the mark.”

Being the only person to reach the 100 Billion dollar mark is notable because most if not all of the companies that were formed and closed during the Dotcom bubble have now found a reassurance under the Amazon umbrella. A Mr. Mark Cuban said in a recent RealVision interview with the 中國逆勢而上 (Chinese contain) Kyle Bass,

“Young people are making a lot of money just following the major Trends on Amazon and Buying / Selling items based on the predominant trend.”

It all seems too easy. Why wouldn’t everyone just open up shop, Buy and Sell the hot items on during the day and with the premium collected reinvest it all in $XIV (VelocityShares Daily Inverse VIXShort Term ETN) and $VXX (iPath S&P 500 VIX Short-Term Futures ETN) to make it a party!

Mr. Tom Metcalf continues by adding,

“The online retailer’s shares jumped more than 2 percent on optimism for Black Friday sales.Online purchases for the day are up 18.4 percent over last year, according to data from Adobe Analytics… “

$AMZN shares are up 5.96% since September 2017.

Screenshot 2017-11-25 20.17.11

Coming after Goldman Sachs’ infamous FAAMG’ piece back in June 2017. This article was when Goldman came out and questioned whether the top five companies, with a combined $660 billion market value added this year, was overdone?

Bob Boroujerdi said this,

“We believe low realized volatility can potentially lead people to underestimate the risks inherent in these businesses including cyclical exposure, potential regulations regarding online activity or antitrust concerns or disruption risk as they encroach into each other’s businesses,”

screen shot 2017-06-09 at 104133 am

Well, that’s great Bob then why did Goldman get caught buying up all the “overpriced” shares soon after?

Because Jeff Bezos is the ‘Illest Mother F*cker Alive.’ That’s why.

With all that said, I now rest on the Billion-Dollar man to downshift all the publicity that comes with making it to the 100 Billion Dollar club and put all that money to use.

Mr. Metcalf writes,

“Bezos is only just starting to focus on philanthropy and in June tweeted a request for ideas on how to help people.”

And to that Mr. Bezos, I say, Figure it out yourself! Must you crowdsource everything! I’m too busy buying obscure book titles from your website to help you figure out how to save the world.

I digress to close, as did Mr. Bezos when the police asked him after the Thanksgiving incident at his home in Van Horn, Texas. Officer Raoul Duke asks, “How do you say broke in Spanish,” Mr. Bezos? His reply, “¡Me no halbo!



Kanye West- Illest Mother F*cker Alive

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