You remember that scene in, For Love of the Game, with Kevin Costner? What follows is in a sense doing just that, clearing the mechanism.
”How we live is so different from how we ought to live that he who studies what ought to be done rather than what is done will learn the way to his downfall rather than to his preservation.” –The Prince, Niccolo Machiavelli
In other words, GET REAL!
Okay, here’s real. It’s been 69 days since my father passed away. The underlying feelings when addressed is that to which I assume is what people describe as dead inside.
“Who doesn’t desire his father’s death?” – Fyodor Dostoevsky
“Those who have never had a father can at any rate know the sweets of losing one. To most men, the death of his father is a new lease of life.” -Samuel Butler
Another way to look at this and one that isn’t blatantly so is a phenomenon that Carl Jung talked about what he described as Retrogressive Restoration of the Persona.
Basically what it means is that sometimes you leap forward in life, along the way learning things about life but you can’t catalyze a new identity, so you try to go back and hide in your old identity which doesn’t work. Time to get real.
Sigmund Freud said for example that no one could be a man unless his father had died. Moreover, Jung said, yea, but that death can take place symbolically.
When I knew I was truly an individual was when realized that my parents (father) don’t know any more about what I should do, then I did. And that was a cold, harsh, embrace the suck moment. Nevertheless, at least my father was always there to talk to.
Finally, the worst part about losing my father is as the above point eluded the loss of that person standing between me and the unknown. A person that you could always go to and ask, what should I do?” whether he knew or not he was there to listen.
I’ll miss the talks, much to do about nothing almost the Redwood Grove.